The Greatest Guitar Riff Ever: 1985

1985 brings the birth of post-hardcore and has metal continue to expand its reach: what is the riff of the year?

Hey y’all. Just wanted to put something off top here about the fires in LA. I live about as far away in the country as you can get from LA and don’t particularly have anyone close to me there but that doesn’t really matter. The fires are devastating and seemingly have wiped out an entire community. It isn’t just the rich and famous people who have other homes to fall back on, it’s everyone. I am certainly not the most informed on all the places that need help and assistance but if you can spare anything, I’m sure some light Googling can provide you the right directions for your dollars and causes you would like to support. This sucks and they need help. That’s all. Feels dumb to go long about riffs now but I am nothing if not a Dumb Guy. Here we go.

Anthrax - Madhouse

As I said last week, Anthrax is mid. Midthrax. But, as much as they don’t really do it for me, “Madhouse” is probably their best song and the main riff makes the song. Scott Ian continues to be a known name almost entirely due to his playing on this song (derogatory but also complimentary).

Bathory - Born for Burning

Real HYLI Andy-core stuff here. Black metal by way of thrash? Super cool sound, will definitely be checking more of this band out.

Beefeater - Trash Funk

Simply one of the best DC Revolution Summer bands. Equal parts Bad Brains, Fugazi and … Red Hot Chili Peppers?? I really love this LP and if one or two people check it out because of this track, and specifically the way the bass and guitar play off each other, then hell fucking yeah.

Carnivore - God is Dead

Confession: I like Type O Negative a good amount but never really got around to checking out Peter Steele’s previous band. As a Hardlore-listener, I’ve certainly heard their name plenty, so finally checking them out now: I get it. This fucking rips. Has a lot of the Type O energy but less Sabbath and more Metallica in the broth. What is not to like?

The Cure - In Between Days

Most obvious fucking statement ever but nothing sounds like this. Sure, the main motif here is synth, which we do not acknowledge on the Riffletter, but my man Rob is absolutely shredding the six-string bass too. Robert Smith + 6-string bass + chorus pedal = buddy, that’s the whole sound of the ‘80s right there.

Descendents - I Don’t Want to Grow Up

Pop-punk is so cool dude*

*if and only if Tony Lombardo is absolutely pounding the shit out of the E-string on his bass while playing it.

Dinosaur Jr. - Repulsion

First of what I assume will be many Dino Jr. appearances on the newsletter. This is far from my favorite Dino record (leans a bit heavy in the “ear-bleeding country” description J. would use for their sound early on) but some undeniably cool guitar stuff here - albeit mostly without J.’s trademark fuzz sound.

The Hated - Words Come Back

My buddy Fish pissed me off a few years back popping up on X formerly known as Twitter by saying that this band, The Hated, was better than Rites of Spring, a much more well-known band from the same region playing similar music. It pissed me off even though I had never listened to the Hated and it put me off from listening to the Hated. I am here to say I have now listened to the Hated and maybe my bud Fish was right. He probably wasn’t right (read below) but, man, this fucking rules and is great and that is certainly not a take worth getting ruffled feathers over.

Husker Du - Celebrated Summer

Bob Mould is so fucking cool. Just an instantly recognizable guitar sound. While most of the Du’s songs are kinda riffless (just distorted to fuck all power chords for the most part which also fucking rules), “Celebrated Summer” has a massive riff, which is made all the better by all the distortion eventually cutting out and *gasp* the acoustics coming out.

Megadeth - Last Rites / Loved to Deth

We’re in Anthrax territory here (probably could have phrased this better lol) in that I largely find this band insufferable but I’m trying to be somewhat objective here. Just listen to the post-chorus. Dave Mustaine is fucking riffing. Idk what that dude is ever on about other than him just fucking riffing sometimes. It would be foolish not to include this.

R.E.M. - Driver 8

I love the power-ballad era of R.E.M. as much as the next guy but it really stinks dude was one of the most talented guitarists of his generation and just decided to start playing the mandolin or whatever the fuck. Be for real. He ain’t playing that crap on this song, though. He’s fucking riffing. The intro/post-chorus riff might be some of my favorite playing on any R.E.M. song, which is fucking insane.

The Replacements - Bastards of Young

The guitar in the intro here might be the most fun-sounding music I can think of most of the time. What else needs to be said.

Rites of Spring - For Want Of

I take back my apology to Fish and I’m mad as hell again. This is the best shit ever lol I’m not having it.

Slayer - Hell Awaits

My only gripe with this fucking absurd riff is the mixing of this record is dogshit and you can barely hear the guitar. That’s what you get when you let a band mix themselves smh.

The Smiths - The Headmaster Ritual

If I could tattoo a riff on my brain it would be this intro riff. Well. Among others. But nothing sounds better than this. Nothing sounds better than Johnny Marr playing a Rickenbacker 360 through a chorus pedal.

Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers - Don’t Come Around Here No More

Electric Sitar??? In Reagan’s America?????

This rules sorry about that crap above.

What is the Best Riff of 1985?

Last week I said “no disrespect to Peter Buck and Johnny Marr” before promptly disrespecting them to give props to James Hetfield and Eddie Van Halen. Guess what? Those lazy little fuckers didn’t release an album in 1985! Peter and Johnny did. They’re the finalists this week. I could also probably throw in Guy Picciotto because I really love that Rites of Spring song but it is not a real competitor IMO. It’s Peter and it’s Johnny. I think the tide has turned in favor of R.E.M. largely for the public at this point but I think it goes without saying a large reason for that is the absolute dipshit who sings in Johnny’s band. If I’m being real with myself, it isn’t particularly close. I unabashedly prefer the Smiths’ riff here. “The Headmaster Ritual” takes it.

Does it top the previous Best Riff?

Best Riff of 1985: The Smiths - The Headmaster Ritual

Best Riff Previous Champion: Van Halen - Panama

I really hate that I’m out here again being like no disrespect to Johnny Marr but he cannot keep up with EVH. Absolutely loathe that I am doing this again. But, like, be for real? Open your ears? “The Headmaster Ritual” beats the brakes off “Panama” as a song but it is not remotely close as a riff. Ho hum. See ya next week.